Nights at Last

There’s Kel, dancing wildly to the hip, hot sounds of the King’s Wild Birds. She’s hot. I’m hot under the collar. I think I’ll have some of this amber liquid. Mmmm. It’s good. I’ll have some more. Mmm…Really tart and sweet. Just like Kel, only Kel doesn’t pack a punch like this. Mmmmm. Tingly. I’ll have just another glass…
 No…wait a sec…that wouldn’t be a good idea.  If I have anymore, I might get drunk again- horrible thought.  I might even behave worse than I did last time…
 Wow, Kel’s hot, I was thinking. Nice in that pale blue. Ohmigosh, she’s off with Kennan again. I bet they’re going to swap saliva. I sighed and took a glass of something. Something rich and creamy, pale cream, frothy, gliding down my throat like a swan’s wing through water and sizzling in my stomach like a formula from Numair’s tower. Or my sisters’ cooking. And just then, a gorgeous redhead was coming up to me. She was dressed in a low cut green dress, and her eyes were fixed on me.
“Nealan of Queenscove? I’m Tallia of Horse Mountains. Do you remember me?”
I drank some more of the liquid. Apricotty taste, mixed with pure hazelnut.
“Sure,” I said, though if I had I had forgotten, “Do you wanna dance?” I took another swig
Later, somehow we ended snogging in some bedroom, me holding a bottle of that nice creamy stuff. Every time I drank I felt powerful. We had been kissing for five minutes when the door opened.
“Nealan!” cried mother.
Somehow in my drunken state I had forgotten that the closest room to the ballroom was my parents’…
Tallia’s gloves and boots were tossed on the floor, and I was, to my surprise, dressed only in my loincloth…I ran out of the room screaming. The hall was crowded with people, and I grabbed a sword, swinging it, well, badly. Just then, I sliced through some woman’s top. Uh-oh, was my last thought before passing out, or being knocked out by her husband, I don’t remember.
 I shuddered at the memory.  Thank the gods Kel hadn’t been there.  She’d probably been off with Cleon somewhere… another nasty thought.  Maybe I’d better follow Lord Raoul’s example, and stop drinking.  Hey, Kel’s dancing again.  But she doesn’t have a partner!  What happened to Cleon?  Oh wait, that’s right, he’s off on a border patrol.  He said something about coming back next week.  Well, Kel seems to be happy enough dancing.  Maybe I should ask her to dance.
Yeah right. Maybe it would help if I had practiced in front of a mirror. Goddess…um. I’ve not had much practice in praying to the Goddess. Oh, well, here goes nothing. Goddess give me courage.
“Hack. Huh. Hum,” oh great. An attack of phlegm. A great way to win a girl’s heart. ‘Hi, Kel.”
“Hi, Neal!”
“You like this music?”
“Yeah. Wanna dance?”
What! Kel’s asking me to dance. I’m supposed to ask her to dance. Oh, well. Girls aren’t supposed to be knights, either.
“Oh, yes, definitely. I’d love to, really, I’d love to!” Oh great. Now I sound like…like…
“Loosen up, Neal!” She’s laughing and spinning. “I love this song!”
I listen.
“I’ll search through the lands, for a fair maiden’s hands…”
“Hands?”
“Of course, Neal. It’s a song about a cursed knight who had to chop off a woman’s hands because she betrayed him.”
“You like it?”
She shrugs, moving her shoulders with a slender, well oiled grace.
“Cleon wrote it, or something. But I really hate it. It’s so…”
“Patriarchal?”
“I wonder why I gave up on you.”
What?  What does that mean?  Well, only one way to find out…
“Why’d you give up on me?”  To my surprise, Kel actually blushed.  Well, she’s sure changed!  It used to be that she only ever showed really, really strong emotions.  Oh well.
“Doesn’t matter.”  Kel replied
“Whatever.  So, how’re you doing without Cleon?”  As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake.  Kel looked down and didn’t say anything.  Great, now I feel bad, and have to comfort her!
“I’m sorry.  He’ll be back soon.”  I patted her arm awkwardly.
She sighs again. I feel my brain waxing lyrical.
“I’m okay without him,” she looks at me, her eyes twinkling, but not, I think, with joy, “I’m feeling fine without him. That’s the problem.”
“Your mind works in mysterious ways.”
“I mean,” her eyes search my face desperately, “Weren’t you broken up when Yuki married that Yamani?”
Ouch. “Yes, I was. For a while. For a while…”
“For a while, was the sun blotted out of your life? Was the sky grey forever? Did flowers wither? Did songs sound flat? Was the world as empty as…”
“Yes, Kel. For a while. For a while.”
“Well, why don’t I feel that? I don’t feel it, Neal. It seems like I could face his death and colours would feel dim, not dead. Not like if I lost you or…” she clears her throat, “Shinko or Roald or Raoul or anyone…Neal…oh Neal…”
“Shh. You don’t have to tell me.”
“Yes I do. Neal…I don’t think I love Cleon!”  I swallowed.  That was good, from a selfish point of view, but… Cleon had talked to me.  He’d raved on and on about Kel, and I had had to sit and listen to him.  I didn’t like it, and it made me feel miserable, but I did it because he was my friend, and I didn’t tell him of my own feelings for Kel.  Coming back, to find Kel didn’t love him would break his heart.  Finding Kel liked me… But wait a second.  Kel hasn’t actually said she likes me yet.  Huh, oops, I completely missed what Kel said.
“…what about you?”  Uh-oh.  Now I’m in for it.
“Um. Yes. No. Kel…”
“You weren’t listening.”
“I was thinking…about…”
“I understand. It’s-hard-to let go…”
“I’ve let go, Kel. I let go of Yuki a long time ago.”
“I know. It’s still hard, though. As I was saying, I’m tired and hot, I want a drink, what about you?”
“Yeah, sure. Kel, let’s go to the balcony and talk. I need to tell you something…”
“Yeah, sure.” She takes a glass of wine. I take water. I need to be safe.
We sit on the balcony. It’s the perfect night. The moon is full. The drapes leading from the ballroom are secured shut and are flapping against the heavy door, so no one can hear us. There’s a rambling rose twisting around the pillars, and the sofa is small enough so that Kel’s arms touch mine. Perfect ambience to tell the girl you love that her-lover? No, that can’t be right. Well, to tell her that her ex-love is pining away from her. Try telling her that while pink roses are sweetly scented and the air is silver. Oh, besides, the moon? It’s lover’s moon. Or rose moon. Or honey moon.
“Kel,” I begin…and stop.  How can I say it?  One of my hands is fiddling with the hem of my tunic, the other is stretched along the back of the couch, with a death-grip on the cushion on Kel’s half of the sofa.  Kel leans back on the cushion, against my arm.
“Hmm?”  Oh goddess, what can I say?  If I tell her about Cleon, all of my chances at romance will be zero.  But it I don’t, Cleon will come back and…  But what if Cleon is also out of love with Kel?  Maybe he met some girl on his border patrol?  Or maybe even the Shinkokami’s other handmaiden, what’s her name again?  Well, whatever it is, she was making eyes at Cleon.  That’s probably just wishful thinking.  Or maybe not.
“Kel-Cleon-loves-you-but-so-do-I-and-Cleon-is-my-friend-but-you…”
She leans forward, cupping my face in her callused palms.
“And now you’re torn.”
Goddess. “Yes, Kel.”
“And Cleon is your friend and I am..?”
“My…” dare I say it, “My…destiny..?”
She’s still not let go of my face.
“ ‘There is always a turning point in a man’s life, where he must choose between what is right, what is easy, and what is his destiny.’ “
“Are you quoting?”
“Of course. Out of one of your books on philosophy.”
“So, was there a solution?”
“That is up to the man.”
“Or woman.”
“Or woman. Now listen to me. It is right for me to go to Cleon, and it is easy for me to go to your cousin-“
“Domitan? Domitan? Gods, he’ll be pleased.”
“But I’m not going for either. I’ll wait for my destiny. And I will fulfill it if you fulfill yours…”
Gods.
“So, Neal, what is easy for you, and what is right for you? I know your destiny.”
Now I’m stuck.  This is crazy!  No, it’s not.  In saying my thoughts I’ll be able to get them off my chest.   No matter how hard it is, it’s the right thing to do.  I think.  I hope.  Well, here goes.
“It would be right if I left you alone until you had straightened things out with Cleon.  It would be easy to forget about Cleon, and follow my heart.  My destiny…  my destiny is still coming.  I hope I’ll decide my destiny tonight.  With your help.”  Now I stopped.
Kel’s hands had moved from my face, and they’re twisting in her lap.  She staring at her hands, but somehow, I know she’s listening intently to everything I’m saying.  I feel like running and hiding under my bed when I did when I was three, and an uncomfortable situation came up.  But I’m much older now.  I can handle this.  Maybe.  No, think positive.  I will handle this!
She looks at me.
“You’re very honourable, Nealan.”
Nealan. OUCH.
“Don’t call me that, Keladry.”
“I’m sorry, Neal.” Her eyes meet mine. For one moment, I know something that I’ve hidden…
“Kel, listen to me now,” I take her hands, “I love you.”
“ ‘Words as simple as three syllables, and yet they invoke a meaning beyond time.’ ” she quotes
“But I will wait. When Cleon comes back, you might realise why you loved him. I’m not going to betray either of you. If you love him, I’ll leave. If you don’t, I’ll be here.”
Her voice is smoky when she replies,
“You are honourable. And you will not have to wait for long.”
“When Cleon returns…”
“He will return soon. I promise. He will return soon.”
I trust Kel. I have to trust her. Trust her to fill her destiny and mine…to follow her heart. Kel. Her betrayal would be terrible, but she has never betrayed me before.
“I trust you.”  She smiled sort of sadly.  Then, she leans over and kisses me on the cheek.   Kel stands up, and walks back into the ballroom.  I just sit there.
Kel kissed me.  Kel loves me.   Kel doesn’t want to be honourable, but she will be.  She always is.  She’s always doing the right thing, even when it hurts her.  She always so patient and calm and nice and fair and kind and sensible and, well, everything about her is right, somehow.  Right for me.  I don’t want to dance anymore, and I don’t want to stay at the ball.  I left the balcony, and went back to my room.  I wanted to lie on my bed and just think, but I fell asleep almost immediately.
When I wake, it’s from a strange dream. I try to remember it, but I only see bits and pieces-Kel on the balcony, Cleon holding a sword, a metal creature, blood on the ground. When I try to connect them, the dream slips even further away from me.
At breakfast, I don’t eat, a fact which does not escape anyone-anyone, that is, except Kel. She is not eating either. Orange juice, water, toast, eggs, strips of bacon. It all seems too tangible and lumpy. Was last night real? Prosper raises a slender eyebrow and drags everyone off to have a look at his horse, his sword, anything to give us a moment alone. When they all leave, I look at Kel. She looks at me and gives me a letter.
“You can read it,” she says huskily, “It only means that he loves me, but-just read it.”
Dear Kel, I read,
Dewdrop, I miss you every moment of the day. The ice here is treacherous, but my love for you is not. I’m coming home, sweet pea, and I am counting the days. Rose, I’ve spoken to my mother. I don’t have to marry Celine of Derrima. I mean, she doesn’t want to break it off, but Mindelan’s connections to the King, I reminded her, were as good as twenty Derrimas. Gods, Kel, I’m delighted. Rose, dewdrop, snow blossom, I cannot wait for the day I hold you in my arms.
I lean back in my chair, ignoring the rest, which asks for palace news. Kel was right. Cleon was coming soon. Suddenly my dream came back to me. I flung the letter at Kel while leaping to my feet.
“Neal?”
I ignored her and ran to my room. As I sink into the bed, I slowly go through the dream again, piece by piece.
Cleon was walking up to me on the balcony.  I was with Kel, and she was crying.  I didn’t know why she was crying, but I was hugging her and stroking her hair.
“Don’t cry, Kel.  It’ll be okay.  Everything will work out all right in the end.”  But she just kept crying.  Cleon had a sword in his belt.  His eyes were wild.
“Kel, what’s wrong?  What’s upsetting you?  What happened?  Are you okay?”  His clothes were rumpled, they smelled of horses.  “Don’t you want to get married yet?  It’s okay, I’m willing to wait for as long as you like.  Oh Kel, what’s the matter?”  Kel just kept crying.  Cleon gave me a dirty look.  I realised that he thought that I’d made her cry, and at the same time that it should be Cleon comforting her.  But I couldn’t get out of Kel’s grip, and she kept on crying.  And then Cleon lets out a horrible cry, a cry that terrifies me.  I look up at him, and his face is deathly pale.  He is staring out over the palace lawns.  And the thing that is coming towards it.  “Gods, goddesses, help me, help us all.” I whisper over and over again.  It’s heading towards us.  I know, with a terrifying certainty, who it’s heading for.  Kel.  Cleon shoots a look at me, combining hatred, confusion, fear, despair, and anger.
The monstrous thing is relentlessly approaching, and I can’t do anything because Kel still has me in a death-grip.  The thing is huge, as high as the palace ballroom ceiling, and is made of metal.  It is crawling forward on four legs, with metal spikes sticking out of them.  They glisten, and I know they’re coated in poison.  It has huge jaws, sharp ad jagged, and also glistening in the moon-light.
 Cleon lurches forward, but the creature knocks him aside. He is still conscious, and a pink rose is in his hand. A  thorn is cutting his hand, even though pink roses don’t have thorns. The creature advances towards us. I push Kel away from me, pull my sword out of my belt and wait. The creature ignores me even as I hack it’s leg. It lifts Kel and flings her off the balcony. Then the creature disappears. Cleon is still seated in the roses, his sword next to him. I leap off the balcony and land beside Kel. Her eyes are open, glazed and staring. She reaches for me. A shudder goes through her body and I know she’s dead. I look and there’s blood on the ground. Suddenly a sharp thing hits my back. It’s Cleon’s sword. “You should have left her alone!” he screams. I can see roses, pink ones, raining down on us. They have thorns, and they scratch me and Cleon, but somehow Kel is not touched. Kel rises from the ground and kisses Cleon. When she reaches out to hug me, she dies again.
I know what this means. It means if I dare to love Kel she will die.  No that’s impossible.  That’s ridiculous.  If I told Kel, she would be the first one to tell me that.  But I can’t shake off the creepy feeling the dream has left on me.  It is a warning, but about what, I’m not quite sure.  Something’s going to happen soon, involving Kel, Cleon, and me.  And I fear that when we come out of it, things will be very different.  Our lives will be changed forever.  My best friend would be the first to tell me that it’s romantic nonsense, but my feelings towards the same person make me feel otherwise.  The gods gave me that dream for a reason.  The only question is, why?  Well, I’ll find out soon.  There’s no sense worrying.
Well, there may be no sense in worrying, but I can’t help it.  Kel may be able to do that (it’s one of the traits I admire in her), but I can’t.  I’ll worry myself sick.  I should go and talk to someone, take my mind off it.  Maybe Daine could help.  She visited the realms of the gods, she might understand.  I stand up to leave the room, but there’s a knock on my door.  Oh well, I probably wouldn’t have the courage to tell her anyway, because it would mean revealing my feelings for Kel.  Sighing, I stand up and answer the door.
It’s Alanna. Her violet eyes are probing mine. I realise she has to come in.
“Hello, Neal.” her voice is warm, but, like her eyes, probing.
“Alanna!” I realise that it’s she I need to see. “Alanna!”
“I never knew I was so popular with you,” she says as she closes the door, “Knighthood’s agreeing with you. Romantic liaisons are agreeing with you.”
“Kel told you!”
“Yes, and I was never one for tact.”
“Alanna. Alanna, is it true…”
“About what?”
“My-father-told-me-you-had-visions…Um, I had a dream, and I’m-worried.”
She sits, smiling.
“Neal, let me tell you this. You have to interpret dreams in a way that is far more complex than vision. I’ve had prophetic dreams before, but I never realised how they fit into my life until the event had passed.”
I shrug and relate the dream anyway.
“All right. Roses. Roses with thorns. What do they mean.”
“Roses are summer flowers, and they have thorns for protection.”
“For someone so romantic, you don’t have much imagination on this. Fine, I’ll play a word association game with you. It’ll help you realise the symbols. Now, I’ll say a word, and you say the first word that comes into your head. Understand?”
I nod.
“Roses.”
“Love.”
“Pink.”
“Coquetry.”
“Thorns.”
“Danger.”
“Sword.”
“Defence.”
“Balcony.”
“Kel.”
“Kel.”
“Me.”
Alanna sighs.  “Well, it’s a start.  Now, about the dream.  I guess you want help interpreting it.”
“Yes please!”
“Very well, but you’ll have to help.  So, start from the beginning again.”  I told the dream again, recounting every single detail that I could remember.
“Right.  Well, the dream could just be that- a dream.  But the fact that it was so vivid does suggest that it’s more than a dream.  Especially since you believe it to be so.  So, let’s start.”  Alanna had sat down on the bed during the word game, so I sit down next to her.
“Okay.  First of all, Kel’s crying.  That means something is going to happen, that affects her.  Maybe even you too.  Cleon being there suggests that he is involved with this.”
My stomach sunk about three feet.  The letter!  Alanna continued.
“Well, the metal monster is easy enough.  You heard about the battle Kel fought against the monster of metal?” When I nod Alanna continues.   “So the monster symbolises an enemy, or someone who’s will opposes her’s.  Now, Cleon is interesting.  He’s fighting the monster, so it’s possible that he is fighting for Kel, or at least, against her enemy.  The rose, however, that changes the whole aspect of things.  He’s fighting for love, or with love.  The thorns, as you said, suggest danger.  Which could mean that the love has turned dangerous, that his love has become dangerous, or that his love, with someone else is in danger.”
“So he might not love Kel?”
She looks at me.
“You’re too romantic, Neal. I love my husband, yes, but I also love my children, my King, my Queen, Tortall. I love them all differently, but that doesn’t mean I love them any less.”
“And Cleon killing me?”
“He sees you as a threat and as the reason of the bad thing that might or might not happen to Kel. When Kel comes back to life…”
“You don’t want to tell me, do you?”
“No. It means that with you out of the way, Kel can live. It might mean you have to sacrifice something for her. The fact that she kisses Cleon might be more to do with your insecurities than anything else, but it could also mean that without you-you are dying-she will return to Cleon. The fact that when she hugs you she dies might mean that if you die and she returns to Cleon, the memories of you might hurt her, and it would feel like she’s dying.”
“Thank you.”
I see her out, although it’s a scant three metres from my bed to the door. It’s a small room, but it serves its’ purpose. Just as Alanna closes the door, she looks at me.
“I’d tell Kel, Neal. She’s upset.”
So I can imagine. I go out of the room and down to the mess hall. She’s there. Kel stands and I hug her. Tears are on her cheeks.
I tell her about the dream. She seems unaffected by it, and her comment as I finish is that my archery’s rusty, better go practice. Then, I see him.
“Dewdrop!” his voice comes out slow and buttery.
“Cleon!”
He drops the bags he’s holding and runs to her. His eyes travel her face and he plucks her from the seat to kiss her-hard-on the mouth.
“Dewdrop!”
“Cleon. Cleon, I-“
He hugs her and kisses her again, then whispers in her ear. I hear something about a haystack.
Kel suggests aloud that Cleon clean up and then we ‘catch up on old times’. He agrees, and Kel and I go for a walk to the stables.
“What was that about a haystack?”
She blushes.
“Private joke.” She strokes Peachblossom. I absently touch his nose, and, to my intense surprise, he doesn’t bite. Hey, maybe he likes me.
He snorts in my direction, and I realise I’m wrong.  He’s just too busy eating the apple Kel gave him to start eating me. I move my hand quickly before he finishes his apple.  Still, he must be liking me better.  In the old days, he would’ve spat out his apple and bit me regardless.  He looked at me as if to say, don’t count on it.  I grinned despite my fears.
It’s a beautiful summer’s day, most of my friends are at the palace, and Peachblossom’s need to kill me is fading.  I’m a knight, and the King has decided I’m more useful in the palace right now, as a healer and an emergency guard, which means I get to read.  What’s more, I don’t have to see the Stump!  Kel likes me, maybe she even loves me.  Well, that should be sorted out soon, anyway.  There’s no sense brooding about it any more, what will happen will happen, and I can’t do a lot to stop it.  I leave Kel in the stables to wait for Cleon, and I go to practice my archery as Kel suggested.
As I reach the archery range, I see Cleon entering the stables.

…???…

Kel saw Cleon come in.  It was time to tell him the truth.  How she wished she didn’t have to!
“Cleon,” she said, “Cleon, we need to talk.”
“Naturally, dewdrop.”
How could she have ever liked that nickname? It grated. She sat on a pile of straw in an empty stable.
“So you did find a haystack.” Cleon kissed her swiftly. She wriggled away.
“Cleon, no!” she cried, trying to laugh, “When I said we needed to talk-”
“You meant actual talking. Ah.”
Kel inhaled through her nose. I am a lake, cool and still, nothing ripples my surface, she repeated in her mind.
“Cleon, while you were away, I realised something…don’t interrupt me or I’ll stop. While you were away, I didn’t miss you. I imagined you standing in the cold, facing metal creatures in Scanra, and I felt the love and pity of a friend, not a-a me. For want of a proper term, I mean. Then I talked to Neal about it, and it was in a flash I realised I loved him.”
“So what? You ended up in a haystack with him?”
“NO! Cleon, no! Nothing happened, Cleon, nothing! He didn’t touch me! He told me you love me, and that he couldn’t betray you, and that I might just be blowing a bit hot and cold because you were away, and that if I wasn’t he would wait, and I feel nothing, Cleon, nothing!”
“Fine. Fine, Kel, fine. I’ll go marry my heiress and you and Neal can go and, well, find a nice comfy haystack for your enjoyment.”
“You don’t understand at all, Cleon.”
“No, you don’t understand!”  He grabbed her arm hard in a bruising grip, and did not let go as she whimpered, “I love you, Kel, and I will not marry Celine! I will not let you go and I will not let Neal have you! I’d kill him first!”
He let go of her and stormed out of the stables.  And then Kel remembered Neal’s dream.  With a heavy heart, Kel turned and began to groom Peachblossom.

…???…

I see Cleon leaving the stables, walking quickly.  He goes faster and faster, until he is running, sprinting, towards the palace.  Then he stops.  Slowly, he turns and walks back, towards the archery courts, towards me.  He wants to talk to me, that much is obvious.  Kel must’ve told him.  How much did she tell him?  Did she tell him about my feelings towards her?  And how did he take it?  Well, I would soon find out.
I collect my arrows, and sit down on a bench.  Cleon isn’t long in coming.
“So.” He says.  And suddenly I’m nervous, even though I’m three years older than Cleon.  What about my dream?  Is this the beginning of it?  I’m already starting to think that the beginning of the whole thing is with the letter.  Is this part going to symbolise the fight?  Well, I think I’m about to find out.
“So, you and Kel. How nice.” He grabs my arm and starts shaking me like Jump with a bone. My teeth are rattling and people are staring.
“I didn’t do anything!” I wail. Too defensive. I realise that as the words leave my lips.
Cleon punches me. I can’t do anything much back because he’s still clutching my arm. I flail my free arm in his face and try to scratch it. He punches me again.
“No, Cleon! Leave him alone!” Kel runs towards us, and she actually takes a swing at Cleon. She misses and strikes his knuckles, forcing him to let go. He tosses me in the dirt and scoops me up again.
“You don’t realise that my life is nothing without Kel!” he spits in my face.
I’m thrown back in the dust, and it’s only as Cleon storms away that people come forward to help. Kel kneels by me, touching my face.
“You’re bleeding.” She draws her hand away from my nose, and it is red.
She helps me up and takes me inside, supporting my-bad leg? I discover that I can’t walk on one of my legs. The ankle throbs and feels open. It’s probably sprained. Figures that after all that drilling in falling properly the Stump forced on us I forget when I actually do fall.
She’s taken me to my father’s healing apartments. Oh, great. How can I explain the reason I’m bleeding, battered and bruised?  Well, the old excuse is always available. I grin despite myself.  Everyone I know, except maybe Roald, has told the Stump that ‘I fell down,’ at least once.  Well, at least I have an excuse.  Kel’s gone off to find my father.  Well, delaying it isn’t going to help.  I’d better see how much damage I’ve done to myself.
I sit up, wincing.  Well, my arm is very bruised where Cleon gripped me.  My chest is bruised as well, that’s where Cleon punched me, I guess.  Well, there’s nothing wrong with my fingers.  I touch all of the bruises, and the throbbing ceases.  Well, that’s better.   Now, my nose.  I feel, and it isn’t broken.  Well, that’ll stop in a minute.  So, my ankle.  It’s not broken, I know that much.  Alanna taught me to recognise breaks.  So it’s sprained.  I reach over to evaluate the damage, but the sharp pain pulls me back.  Well, I’ll just wait for my father.
I’d better go and talk to Cleon.  Because if this happens again, I won’t be helpless again.  Even though I don’t like fighting, and practicing the moves is not my ideal fun, I can fight.  Nearly as well as Kel.  Well, if Cleon starts on me again, I’ll have to fight back.  And the outcome won’t be pretty.  I decide that as soon as I’m healed, I’d better talk to Kel about Cleon.  Oh good, she’s coming back now.  My father is following her.  Kel looks worried, but as Father closes the door his worried expression fades to disapproving.
“What mess have you got into now, Neal?”  I laugh in spite of myself.  Isn’t it obvious?
“I fell down, Father.”  Kel smiles slightly.
He smiles and touches my shoulder.
“You pulled a muscle,” he tells me, “How did you do that while you were, ah, falling?”
I don’t tell him that I probably pulled it while squirming in Cleon’s iron grip.
“Bruises?”
“Arm and chest, but I fixed them myself.”
He rolls up my sleeve anyway and raises his eyebrow when he sees my arm. Kel winces. There’s a ring of blue and purple, and it has clear finger marks.
“Knights fall in such interesting ways,” he tells me, “Did you happen to fall on the Hand of Glory?”
“If I did I couldn’t use my Gift, could I?”
“Clever,” he mocks, but I see concern on his face. “By the way, Neal, I got a letter from your sister.”
I sit up.
“Carramea? Carramea? What’s it about? Is she all right?”
“Of course, Neal. Here’s the letter.” He gives it to me.
Dearest papa, mama and Neal,
All goes according to plan. My horse has arrived! I would come tomorrow, but Maude is fussing. I can’t wait to see you all! I will come soon. In fact, when this letter arrives I’ll probably be halfway there! I love you all!
Your daughter and sister, Carramea of Queenscove.
“She’s coming soon then!” I cry, wincing, “I can’t wait!”
My father heals me, and I forget about talking to Cleon. My sister, my little sister (who is, by the way, Kel’s age), is far more important than a redheaded lovesick brute.  Father finishes healing me.
“Well, you’ll live.  Your injuries aren’t as bad as some of the ones Kel’s acquired.”  Kel grinned apologetically at Father.  “Well, you can go now.  Your bruising should fade quickly enough, and your foot will heal in a couple of days.”  I raise my eyebrows at Father.
“If I work my own magic on them, won’t they heal by tomorrow?”  Father nods, amused.
“I cannot believe that I forgot about that.  Yes, that’s right.  Oh, by the way, would you mind helping Carramea?  She’ll have to be introduced at court, and that means someone will have to take her down the Great Stair, and into the Queen’s ballroom.  Can one of your friends do it?”
“If they can’t, I will, Father.  It will be great to see her again!  I haven’t seen her for the last eight years!”
“Yes, that’s right.  Well, she’ll be arriving tomorrow.  Please don’t, ah, fall down again before she arrives.”
“I’ll try not to Father.” I promised.
“Well, I’ll see you soon then.  Hopefully not in here any time soon.” And he left with that pleasant thought.  I grinned at Kel.
“Well, he’s happy.  But Carramea’s coming!  I haven’t seen Carra for years!”
“Who’s Carra?”  Kel asks blandly, her face blank.  I laugh; the absence of emotions on Kel’s face sometimes says more than emotion.
“You’ll just have to find out when you meet her!”  I say wickedly.  Kel shrugs, and with a bland face she helps me off the bed.
I tell her about Carra as we wander around the palace grounds, conveniently forgetting to tell Kel she’s my sister. She listens grimly and somewhat resignedly. When I finish, I add evilly,
“Would you mind escorting her around a bit? Down the Great Stair, and so forth?”
“Me? In a dress?” she sounds horrified.
“Please? Please?” I mock beg
“Oh, all right,” she mutters, “I think I’ll wear a kimono, though. Are you coming down the stair?”
“Me? On public display? Won’t I be an embarrassment to the realm?”
She grins and picks up a bow. We’re conveniently in the archery range. She lets seven arrows hit the centre, then snaps the string. It cuts her hand neatly, and, alas, alas, I have to hold her hand to heal it. Naturally, I innocently hold it for longer than necessary.
I hear a commotion by the stables. There’s several horses and a pack mule, and two women are climbing off horses. One is short and plump and stiff, the other, tall, slender and graceful, easily sliding off the horse. I run towards them when I see her hair.
“Carra! Carra!” I shout. She turns to me.
“Nealan!” she hugs me. She’s even prettier than I remember, with black hair and the famous Queenscove eyes. Her skin has gone ivory over the summer, probably due to the sun. She’s very outdoorsy, my sister.
“Kel, this is Carra,” I drag Kel forward. Kel shakes hands stiffly, with a quick ‘hello’.
“Knighthood’s agreeing with you then?” she slips her arm around my shoulders, “So how goes it? Full of danger and dragons and damsels with loose morals?”
I laugh.
“No damsels, Carra, just a knight.”
“Neal!” she cries, “Do mama and papa know?”
“Kel is a knight,” I say significantly, “You know, Keladry of Mindelan?”
“Oh, the lady knight. I was going to be a knight, and then Neal reminded me confectionary is not amongst a knight’s lessons. Besides, we’re the only ones left.”
Kel blinks.
“Only what ones left?”
“Only Queenscoves, so my duty should be to marry. And that is what I’m here for. Oh, happy joy.”
“You should really meet Alanna.”
“So you’re his sister!” Kel says suddenly
“Always have been, always will be. Come on, I want to go see papa.”
Kel grins as Carra leads her off.  “I’ll get you later.” Kel promises, jabbing a finger at my chest.  I just grin.
I decide to go and tell Father that Carra is here already.  He asks me to find her and bring her to him, so, muttering about feeling like a messenger boy, I set off again to find Carra.  I find her eventually.  She’s with Kel and, Cleon?!?!  Cleon is kissing her hand with a very strange look on his face.  I catch up with them.
“Hey Carra, Father wants to speak to you.”
“Oh, right.  Will you show me to the healers wing?”  She seems to be talking to everyone in general, but it’s Cleon who answers.
“Of course I will.  It’s this way.”  He looks at me, and his tone of voice changes to regret and apology.  “I’m sorry, Neal.  It just hit me, and, well, I didn’t think.  Do you want to talk about it later?” He asks, with a meaningful look at the two girls.  I nod.  I’m relieved, actually.
“Sure.  Why don’t we talk after we take Carra to Father?”
“That’s good.”  We all set off, but Kel leaves us at her rooms, saying something about having to make sure her kimono is ready for tonight.  I think she’s just trying to avoid being left alone with Cleon and me until we’ve sorted the problem out.  Well, I can’t blame her.  Cleon and I show Carra where the healers’ quarters are, and then we sit down on a bench to talk.
“So, that’s your sister. She’s, ah, pretty.”
“No, she’s beautiful.” I correct him sternly. He flushes and agrees, muttering something about her age.
“Eighteen, like Kel. Why?”
“This isn’t what I wanted to talk about, Neal. I’m-sorry-I-hit-you-but-I-really-did-think-I-was…Kel…it’s just…Um, let me start from the beginning.”
“Good place as any to start.” I tell him cheerily
“I came home from Scanra, after spending about seven months trying not to think about Kel. I managed to convince my mother not to force me to marry Celine, and I come home and Kel tells me she doesn’t love me! All I’ve done is think about her, and then she goes off with my friend! After I told you what I felt for her. And she doesn’t even hedge around it, and maybe I’d just like her not to be honest with me for a while! And now I feel like the world’s crashing in, but right after she told me, I felt like…just empty. And I couldn’t let you have her. Not without a fight.”
“You certainly put up a good fight.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t mean it literally, but I happened to carry it out that way.”
He starts talking about my sister, and I have a vague feeling of something, but I can feel undercurrents of hate and heartbreak. Who can blame him? He really was all gone on Kel. He gets up and bows stiffly when father, mother, Carra and Kel return.
“Apparently I didn’t pack enough dresses.” Carra says despondently.
I stifle a laugh.
“Can’t you wear that green?” I suggest seriously, knowing that to my sister, her Entrance (capitalised and filed under the heading of Big Events) is important to her. She thinks it’s her duty, and we’re alike in that way. I was convinced my duty to be a knight, and here I am. Not too bad, considering.  The only problem in my life is Cleon, and eventually that will be sorted out.  I think that our talk helped a bit, but I’ll go and talk to him a bit more later.
“I always wear that dress.  I know some people here, and they’ll think I live in it!  I need more clothes!” Carra wails.
“Don’t worry Carra.” I say reassuringly.  “Corus is home to thousands of quality tailors, and some of the best are in the palace.  You’ll have a dress by tonight.  Here, come with me, and we’ll go and get you one.”
Carra nods and sniffs, and we walk down to the palace tailors together.  I remember Kel telling me that Lalasa moved her shop to the palace, because all the noble ladies were asking for dresses from her.  Carra and I find Lalasa’s shop, and it’s empty.  Lalasa sees us and ushers us in.
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait a minute, I have someone in the dressing room now, and my assistant has gone to get…” Lalasa trails off when she realises who I am.
“Oh, hi Neal!  I haven’t seen you for ages!” Lalasa comes forward to hug me.  “And who’s this?” She asks pleasantly.
“This is my sister, Carramea.  It’s nice to see you.” I reply.  Lalasa has sure changed!  When I first met her, she wouldn’t even touch me, and now she’s hugging me like an old friend.  Well, I haven’t seen her for a while, and she has been a lot more outgoing since she worked for Kel.  Speaking of Kel , her voice rings out from behind the dressing curtain.
“Lalasa! This is horrible! I might as well wear full body plate armour!” she comes out from behind the curtain and flares bright pink for a moment, then regains her Yamani calm. She’s dressed in a kimono, pale brown with a rust obi, but it has Tortallan touches, like the orange ribbon on the sleeve.
“Your corset…” giggles Carra, “Here, let me do it.”
“I never wear corsets, and I will not wear one ever again!” vows Kel, storming back into the dressing room.
Carra waits patiently while Lalasa takes her measurements, while I stand discreetly outside. Alone, with nothing to do, I think back on my dream. The rose changes the whole aspect of things. Suddenly I realise that Alanna never explained the colour of the rose, what it meant. Pink. Coquetry. Flirtation. Flirtation. Cleon was…NO! Oh, Gods. Cleon and Carra? Carra and Cleon? Is that what the rose meant?
“Neal?” Carra smiles and twirls awkwardly in the basted dress. It’s pale green, with gold lace at the hem. “Mama’s lending me her pearls. Will it go all right? Am I ugly?”
I smile and reassure her. I don’t need to worry about my sister and Cleon- Cleon’s still nursing a wounded heart, and even if there’s something it probably won’t go too far.
Kel’s coming out now. She dressed in something green as well now.
“Lalasa says we have to complement each other.” she laughs. The shade is darker, and there’s no lace, but the hem is flounced with golden brown.
No, it’s not my sister I need to worry about. But what about Kel? My dream said I had to sacrifice something for her. What do I need to sacrifice?  Could it be, maybe, was it… my sister?  Sacrificing her to Cleon would mean that she would live either at the palace or at Cleon’s lands.  I wouldn’t be able to see her nearly as often.  But I would get Kel.  Wait.
The whole reason Carra came to court is to get married.  I’ll have to sacrifice her anyway, and isn’t it better that she is happy.  I know that Cleon is a good guy, and that he’d never do anything to hurt the one he loved.  And if I don’t try to stop Carra and Cleon, I’ll get to see Carra much more often than if she marries someone who isn’t my friend.
Satisfied with my reasoning I smile.  “You look absolutely stunning, my dears,” I say, with a sweeping bow to both Kel and Carra.
They both roll their eyes, Carra giggling slightly.
“Well, I’m getting rid of this frippery and going riding until tonight,” Carra announces, “And, yes, Neal, I will return four hours before the announcements so that mama can fuss over my hair.”
“At least you have hair to fuss with.” retorts Kel, running her fingers lightly through her shoulder-length hair.
Lalasa takes the garments and agrees that they can be stitched by tonight. Carra, Kel and I go to the stables, where Carra devotes twenty minutes to praising her horse Moonfire. Kel devotes the same care to Peachblossom and Hoshi. I stand there, feeling like a lump, when Cleon comes in, whistling. He doesn’t appear to see us, and when Carra greets him he leaps up dramatically and bows. Carra doesn’t seem to mind when he kisses her hand again; in fact, she giggles.
“Do you want to come riding with us?” she asks
Cleon agrees, and within ten minutes of riding we’ve drifted apart; Carra and Cleon walking behind, Kel determinedly attempting a sitting trot in front with me.
“Does your sister like Cleon?”
I nearly tumble off Sunbeam, my horse.
“She doesn’t seem to mind him kissing her hand. I don’t mind if he does, or if she does.”
“I’m not talking about minding, Neal. I mean, technically I should, even if I don’t love or like him, because I’m supposed to still feel possessive about him, but I didn’t, so I thought if you said-“
“Kel,” I halt Sunbeam, “I never thought I’d say this to you, but you’re talking too much. Just be happy for them or jealous, but don’t feel obligated to be jealous.”
She glances back, and I see Cleon reaching forward on his horse and stroking Moonfire. I hear Carra shout,
“See, she does like you!”
“I’m happy for them,” Kel states.
“I didn’t want to lose Carra,” I say softly, “but I realised, she has to get married sometime.  And I know that Cleon will love her, and she’ll help him get over you.”  Kel smiles.
“Sometimes, you’re too romantic for your own good.  But this time, I find myself agreeing with you!  Come on, Carra and Cleon are so busy flirting that they won’t notice we’ve stopped until they crash into us.  Race you to the fence over there!”  I roll my eyes after her, but race anyway.  Kel wins.  Surprise, surprise.  We wait at the fence for Carra and Cleon to catch up, and chat.  They finally arrive, and Cleon’s looking happier than he has all day.
“Carra, we’d better get you and Kel back to the palace for your formal introduction.”  The others nod, and we all ride back together.  Cleon offers to curry Carra’s horse so she has more time to get ready.  Carra accepts gracefully.  It seems she did learn something in the convent, after all!  I look at Kel, who has heard what Cleon said, and I grin.
“I would offer to do the same, but I don’t think Peachblossom has got over his murderous inclinations.”  Kel laughs, and then she grooms Peachblossom herself.  She finished quickly, leaving me alone with Cleon.  I’m pretty sure he’s falling fast for Carra, so I think it’s safe to talk to him now.
“So, how do you like my sister?” I ask him.
He clears his throat.
“She’s beautiful,” he says, “Very funny, witty…you know, nice.”
“Lost for words, huh?”
He ducks his head and sweeps his currycomb over Moonfire.
“Yeah, I am,” he admits, brushing Moonfire with the rubber brush to remove loose hairs, “I really like her. Really like her, I mean.”
I brush Sunbeam ineptly.
“I know what you mean.”
“I don’t know why I’m over Kel like this,” he snaps his fingers together, “But I am, and your sister-” he realises what he’s saying and shuts up, caring for Moonfire. I sigh and leave. I might as well make myself presentable, or halfway human.
When I get to my room, I toss myself on the bed. Before I know it, sleep comes over me, and I sink into Dreamland. When I wake, it’s been only ten minutes, but the dream I had seems much longer. And the dream gives me hope. Hope for Cleon and Carra’s future. Hope for my future with Kel.
Carra was standing on the balcony, the same one Kel and I had been on only a night before.  Kel and I were standing next to each other inside the ballroom, looking out of the window at Carra.  She was leaning against the railing of the balcony, staring up at the stars.  The Cleon moved onto the scene, and stood next to Carra, also staring up into the sky.  He said something, but neither Kel nor I could hear what it was.  Carra tenses, and then she turns to Cleon, and expression of joy and love on her face.  She flings herself at him and hugs him. The heavy drapes close, although neither of them let go of each other. The drapes are different, although still heavy. A pattern, clear yet indiscernible, swirls within the cloth. Suddenly Kel and I  are standing by a mirror. It ripples like water, and I see a young child standing there. I am unable to see whether the child is male or female, and what age the child is, but I know it must be fairly young. The mirror ripples again as several other children fill the scene. Standing in the mirror is Carra, walking down the Great Stair. Her eyes focus on a group of people; mother, father and me. Then her eyes travel to Cleon. The mirror disappears, and me and Kel are on another balcony. She is laughing when a metal creature comes to us. She pulls out her sword, but before the creature even reaches us, it disappears. Kel kisses me, and the sky starts raining roses, only they are multicoloured and thorn-less
There’s no need to ask Alanna what this dream means. I know it like I know my own heart.  I start to get ready for the ball and Carra’s introduction feeling like I could fly.
I’m in the ballroom, dressed in my best shirt, tunic, and hose, and Carra and Kel should be coming down right about now.  I can see Cleon waiting nervously over at the other side of the room.  Just then, one of the great doors opens.  Down comes Kel, with Carramea on her arm.  Carra is wearing the dress that she had modelled for us earlier in Lalasa’s dressing room, and Kel is wearing a kimono in the shade she had modelled for us too, except that it is very different now.  The green is embroidered all over in green threads, the same as the hemming.  But I’m too busy staring at her face to notice any other details about her kimono, because she is, there’s no other way to describe it, absolutely gorgeous.  Kel’s face isn’t Yamani, either, but she’s smiling slightly as she leads Carra down the stairs.
Kel stops at the bottom of the staircase as she isn’t to be introduced.  Loudly, the herald tells the room that this is Carramea of Queenscove.  There is a smattering of polite applause, and then Carra walks confidently towards the King.  At least, her walk looks confident, but I can tell that she is nervous.  One thing that my sister is very good at is acting.  She reaches the King and curtsies to him.  The King bows back, and kisses her hand.
In a voice that carries to the far corners of the room, he says, “Welcome, Carramea of Queenscove.”
Her reply is the age-old formula; “Thank you, Your Majesties.” Her eyes meet theirs proudly but there is still submission in them. She rises and walks steadily to the side of Their Majesties and curtsies elegantly to the crowd, then stands demurely next to the previously announced girl. Her eyes meet mother’s, father’s, and mine. She smiles and bobs her head respectfully but gently to show she’s not trying to detract attention from the next girl. Carra’s eyes travel away from ours, and rest on Cleon. Carramea of Kennan. It has a nice ring to it. For a moment though, I’m glad she’s unmarried and just my sister, Carramea of Queenscove.
I look at Kel again. She’s still smiling, a smile that reaches to a group of people-her parents, her brothers and sisters and her nephews and nieces. The smile extends to Cleon, to Alanna, and to me. All the escorts stand beside her, lovely and graceful, some even lovelier then Kel, perhaps. Yet none of them are as special as Kel. None of them are knights, none of them have pursued a dream. I look at all the lovely escorts; hands folded, eyes downcast, faces identical even though the features are different. Kel is like a candle in the dark compared to them, especially in the kimono, although they’ve become more fashionable now.
It’s custom for a male escort to take the girls and the staircase escorts down to the Queen’s Ballroom, after which there’s a banquet and dancing. I was picked to fetch my sister, but as I leave, I know what to do. Slowly, I make my way towards Cleon.
“I can’t stop to talk, I’ve got to escort Kel down.” He says as I approach him.
“Why don’t you escort Carra?” I ask him innocently, “And I’ll escort Kel for you.”  Cleon grins at me, and we both go to escort the pair down.  Kel is so used to hiding her emotions that she doesn’t even blink, and Carra’s reaction is to smile at Cleon before he led her down the stairs.  When everyone is at the bottom of the stairs, the dancing begins.  Kel’s hand is still resting on my arm.
“Would you care to dance, my lady?” I said, just as Master Oakbridge had taught us throughout our page and squire years.
“I would be honoured, Sir Nealan,” Kel replies, equally formally, but her eyes twinkle as we begin the dance.  I decide not to rebuke her for using my full name.  Besides, on her lips, it doesn’t sound nearly as bad as it does coming from my aunt.
I swapped partners with Cleon once that evening, to see how Carra was doing, but for the rest of the night Kel and I dance together.  Dimly, I realise that Cleon and Carra have danced with each other all night too, but I’m concentrating mainly on Kel.
 Kel doesn’t seem to be feeling tired, and neither am I. Once, a young lady innocently guides her partner towards us and waves.
“That’s Oranie,” says Kel, smiling.
We go to the balcony again. The drapes and door are shut, and Kel leans over the edge. I see her stifle a giggle.
“What?” I stand where she is. I have a good view of another balcony, and couple. As I look closer, I see it’s Carra and Cleon. She sits down demurely and he sits next to her, treating her like a porcelain doll.
I laugh.
“Nothing to worry about there,” I say, drawing Kel away from the edge and to the sofa
“No?” her eyes are amused. I leap up again, and the couple’s faces are lingering close to each other. I sit beside Kel again. My sister can get herself out of any messes if she makes them.
“So.”
“So.”
We’re sitting on the sofa on a moonless night, the roses are still sweetly scented and we’re silent for many minutes.  It’s hard to believe that only last night we were sitting in exactly the same spot, at almost the same time.  It seems so much longer ago, but it wasn’t.  All of the problems, all of the guilt about Cleon has faded, and I feel completely happy.  I’m with the person I love most, and all of our problems have slipped away one by one.  I want the night to last forever, but even if it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter.  We still have the rest of our lives, and together, we can achieve any goal, and pass any obstacle.